the value of a friendship

It's late and the husband is snoring as usual. So here I am with a little post on friendship.

I'm blessed to have many friends, and like to think I make them easily. Currently rockin it out 488 on the ever eternal Facebook. I do periodically trim that list when I get in the mood to. The older I get the less fun "stalking" seems, mainly because what the heck does someone I haven't seen/spoken to in 10 years need to "stalk" me for? I do chuckle when I am "friended" by a friend of a friend, or random person, or someone I met for a hot two minutes last Friday night, or the best.. a friend of my mother in -laws. I have 99% of my information and profile blocked from the general public, so generally I'm thinking, you want to stalk me. I'm flattered, but if you happen to friend me.. please, make it legit and at least write on my wall!

 However, in the recent week(s) I've observed a few things within other friendships and has caused me to think about my own. So here we go.


I just took a "What Kind of Friend Are You?" quiz online here. To no surprise I'm the "confidante" friend. It described me as nurturing and motherly, which is kind of how I've been dubbed at work, the store mom. I no doubt take care of the small things that keep our store running and do it gladly. I think I get this trait from my own mother and mother in-law who love to see that everyone has every tiny little thing they need. On the flip side, I'm sure people have used me for their doormat more than once, and the crazy thing is.. I probably don't even know it! Take it and see what kind of friend you are.

Anyways, my friends are scattered everywhere. With my three closest ones also being my three furthest away Ironic isn't it... I like to think so. These three friends also made here to be in my wedding in March. Take note.  But also tonight I was browsing,  The Friendship Blog and just reading what some people had posted. I swear they had postings for every situation, when friends become in-laws, in-laws themselves, jealous friends, crazy friends, old friends, new friends... I think you get it.  If you have some time, go check it out. My sister just picked up a book from the library regarding when you break up with your best friend, which kind of lead me to this blog post. How much do we really value our friends, and how far are we willing to go for them? Or in some instances, how much crap are we willing to put up with?

So here is my uneducated, unsolicited opinion on friendships.

My dad has said so many times, a job is only worth as much as it pays you. I would dare to say a relationship (friendship included) is only worth as much as you put into it. Don't expect a friend to be an over the top generous bff if you haven't returned or initiated the favor previously.  You invest more, you get a greater return. This also brings up the idea of investing more, great risk for loss. I've always played by the rule go big or go home. If you can't take chances.. what's the point? Afterall, isn't it from our setbacks that we learn the most??? I also see the lifelong friends my own father has had and genuinely think I've learned a thing or two from him and his nearly 70 years of wisdom.

When I see friendships fall apart it hurts me. If I were to lose a friend of mine, I would probably be lost. I love my friends, deeply. My friends have largely shaped my life. Now back to friendships falling apart. If in someway I was connected to either or both parties it just becomes awkward, because in Smalltown, USA here, you can't escape anyone. Let me reiterate that, YOU CAN'T ESCAPE ANYONE.So for all of our sanity's..don't make it awkard for me.  At some point though you really have to think deep within yourself and situation and try and decide if it's really worth whatever this tiff is all about. If you can't be 10000% brutally honest with yourself and that toxic friend, I can almost guarantee it won't be worth it. If you're not strong enough to be the bigger person, then you probably suck as a friend. Hate to be mean, but just my opinion.  The truth can sometimes hurt folks! I moderately frankly don't care how many times they've done/said... yabba dabba do. If it is happening multiple times then you should know that, that that particular behavior is that person's nature and it probably isn't going to change any time soon. So you either learn to love them for it, deal with it.

I'm also not out to make friends ( I know, terribly bitchy of me), but there's a reason I didn't go to a huge school and pay thousands of dollars to wear three Greek letters and call 100 girls my sister. If we meet, and we happen to have some things in common and above all you treat with me respect. You've won my friendship. In fact, I think I can go ahead and safely say, if you disrespect me or anything within my small social network of friends, you probably really won't like me. I'm okay with that. Honestly. I also at this stage in my life come with a built-in bff, my adoring hubs. Who seriously deserves an award for all the stuff he puts up with, but if you can't take us a package deal folks, you aren't getting me. The same goes for my now siblings, because I don't really want to hear about how/why they stepped on your toes. Tell it them, they're adults.. they can handle it.

I guess what I'm saying is.. if you find yourself complaining about your friends or someone elses take some time and reflect on what you're putting into the situation. If you give good you get get good, if you give bad, you might not like what you get. But hey, that's your own fault. Being stubborn is not an excuse to be a bad friend.

With all of my friends (the besties, biffles, bffs and just plain acquaintance) I've learned new things about the world and myself. I value each of those things very much, but when it boils down to it.. I live by one basic so called "Golden Rule". Treat others as you would want to be treated, if you can't handle that concept then I'm not sure we can be friends.


I think that's it for now. Snaps to me for a post with some substance!! Have a lovely weekend everyone and I will back here hopefully not to far from now with something worth reading about.